Fearing the Worst

The fear is real. It's raw. Parenting is becoming scarier and more challenging by the day. I have to think twice, or more, about going out. I have to reconsider attendance at public school, going to church, visiting a museum, shopping at stores. How do I protect my kids from all the terror in this world? I'm sure it's a question parents have asked since the beginning of time, but this generation seems different. Something has changed. I'm suspicious of the man at the end of the grocery store aisle on his cell phone. Is he a kidnapper scheming to swipe my child when I let my guard down? Do I say hello to the fellow walking at the park? How close do I let people get to my children before I begin to worry? What about the teenager walking to school who always has his head down? Who do I trust outside my circle of friends?  One wrong move and it will be my own fault for being naive. I don't feel safe, but I can't let on that I am afraid. I've become almost paranoid and numb to the reality at the same time.

My kids deserve better. They should feel secure ALL the time. They shouldn't have to worry if mom has the pepper spray handy or if the side door to their elementary school is locked to keep the bad guys from entering. On top of all the feelings of fear is the guilt. The compounded guilt. Guilt about staying home. Guilt about going to work. Guilt about feeding my kids the right foods, if they are even available or affordable for purchase. Guilt about how many hours they spend in front of the television or iPad. Guilt about how many or how few play dates or birthday parties they attend. Guilt about sending them to school or keeping them home. How many parents of the Uvalde victims are feeling that guilt? About sending their kids to school that tragic day. Why should parents have to endure this guilt and blame? How are we possibly able to know how to protect ourselves, let alone our children from such horrors? Is anyone prepared to face a crazed gunman? Do any of us possess self-defense techniques for the schemes of the next kidnapping trap? Do we know enough about fentanyl or TikTok challenges that turn deadly? I go to bed every night praying I won't ever have to face these situations. I am not prepared. I am only frightened, helpless and saddened. 

When I was a kid, freedom seemed to be in abundance. I don't mean that I had more choices. What I did possess though was freedom from fear. Yes, my parents protected me much in the same way parents today shield kids from adult problems and situations. But times are vastly different. Our kids do not enjoy the freedoms we once enjoyed as children. Their youth has been filled with division and hate more so than ever. I knew all of my neighbors growing up. Try as I may, I don't know all my neighbors today. Most kids don't freely roam the neighborhoods or gather at the park. Parents are reluctant to let their kids into other people's homes. Once we had safer places to congregate. Today, even some churches can't boast that claim.  There are churches breaking down under the shadow of scandal. Other places of worship never recovered from the pandemic. Still some few others have become places of division, not to mention zones where evil shooters can enter. Let's be honest----we never had control in the first place, but right now this world feels completely out of control. We always had to be aware of danger, but in today's world the dangers are an everyday concern.

What is the answer? Is there an answer? How do we prepare ourselves for the worst while still being joy-filled children of God? How do we save our children from thinking and seeing the worst this world has to offer? How do we as parents learn to be parents in these trying times where even adults can't agree to disagree on fundamental rights? How do we CHANGE this mess?

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