A Church on Fire

Mother's Day is this Sunday, followed up by Pentecost Sunday on the 19th. I have been reflecting on my first Mother's Day in 2016. It was a special Sunday because our oldest son was baptized that day.  His innocent face was a portrait of peace, his demeanor that of perfection (oh, how 8 years can make a difference!). The pictures from that day popped up on my Facebook feed and brought with it pieces of my heart that have been portioned out to the church of my youth. I've been praying diligently for my children every day since they were born, even before that time if I'm honest. I pray the church they "grow up" invokes similar feelings as the one I knew and loved in my youth.  My mother raised my sister and me in the United Methodist Church. She was the most important person in introducing me to the church. Church as a kid was a positive experience, filled with faithful leaders and followers of Jesus. I remember the Reverend who visited our home and sat beside my mother as she battled breast cancer. I recall visiting shut-ins and delivering food to the hungry. The church was a vital part of my growth, not only as a Christian, but in the formative years of my life. Some of my closest friends were church people. That tendency has stuck with me in my adult life. I can think back to all the churches I've attended and joined since that first church, and the friends I've made along the way. 

As a mom, I worry about the church and how it will shape my children. The church is and always has been made up of imperfect people. I learned that the hard way this past year.  And I fear my children's church future as so much of my own spirit-filled life began in the church. The United Methodist Church that shaped my theology and beliefs has been in turmoil in the last few years. It's unsettling. We know that God doesn't change. We know the holy spirit, the same one who spoke with tongues of fire through the early Christians, still resides in us. The church has failed so many of us. Some have walked away, started new or changed directions completely. Last year, I considered leaving the church too. The enemy has tried to divide God's people since the beginning of time. I stayed in church because of my kids, in spite of the way the church has let them down, in spite of all the divisions and mistreatment. Oh, it was hard and still is. Forgiveness is easier than forgetting. I will never forget the shocking way our family was treated by a church we loved. But the church does not raise our children, we do. And it's up to us as parents to exhibit the qualities we want our children to emanate. I remain a church attendee also because I still believe in its work in this fallen, temporary world. 

First it was a Presbyterian Church in Pennsylvania, where I was baptized as a baby. Then it was St. Paul's United Methodist Church in Middletown, NY with all those Wesleyan hymns and "saved by grace through faith" teachings. That's where I was confirmed into the United Methodist denomination. I stopped attending church in college but picked right back up when I lived on my own. I started attending Goshen United Methodist Church and Scotchtown Presbyterian Church. I struggled through most of my 20's, living on my own, working and going to graduate school. Only at church did I sometimes feel less lonely. There's something about a group of people worshipping Jesus that cannot really be matched anywhere. There is something about pews and Bibles and hymn books that stirs a deep sweetness in the soul. The Presbyterian pastor told me something before I moved to Texas that has stuck with me. He told me something great was waiting for me in Texas, and it wouldn't be what I ever expected. I still wonder about that to this day. When I moved to Texas at the age of 29, I found a United Methodist Church in Austin. I took my future husband there with me. Then we moved to our current home and found the local United Methodist Church. We were in the midst of raising a family, and all three of our sons were baptized into the church family. The Pastor has become a good friend, one who still keeps in touch. He started the New Wineskin Initiative, a neighboring movement that does church outside traditional church spaces. It has been a beneficial bridge to non-church people as a lifelong church-goer. Covid brought its set of challenges to local churches, and our family moved on to another UMC church---only to be disappointed. Even in the disappointment and the breaking of trust, the congregation was full of kind people who I still call friends. And this leaves me in the present day. The UMC has split. The general conference met last week to change the denomination's Book of Discipline to redefine marriage and remove restrictions on LGBTQ clergy. I've struggled with this. I've been a part of congregation that chose to disaffiliate from the UMC, and one that chose to stay. I've felt stuck in the middle, afraid to "choose" a side, terrified it will alienate me or make me seem less of a believer, less like Jesus. And isn't that what we as Christians are really trying to achieve? To be more like Jesus.

Church- we have work to do in and outside the walls.  The church we attend does not define us. Jesus does. The Book of Discipline is not the Holy Bible. God does not change because the world changes. As a mother, I want my sons to grow up in a church that teaches about Jesus and how to walk and love like He did. I want them to include all people in their "church" but teach them that it doesn't mean we neglect what's true. We all sin and fall short of the glory of God. And that's true whether we put our trust in church leaders or not. We are not called to conform to this world. The church needs to repent, and I believe God will lead His believers to repentance. Thinking back, I needed the church more than it needed me. But now, I think it goes both ways. What is the church without the people, sinful as we are? What transforms you into a believer? For me, it was the church initially, and I still think that's the most common gateway to becoming a Christian. Yes, there are other ways the Holy Spirit convicts us (see Saul/Paul), but the church needs a deep bench. Believers of all kinds---that's the only way we are going to reach the world and teach the Word. Jesus is at work in each of us.

 "They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them.  All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues[a] as the Spirit enabled them."- Acts 2